An Improper Friendship
by Myn
Summary: Whilst travelling through the wilds of Scotland with the MacKenzie's, Claire and Jamie form a bond. Characters are not mine and belong to the author, Diana Gabaldon.
1. Chapter 1

The darkness had long since descended over the woodland encampment and the fire burned ever lower in the shallow pit, its scant heat swiftly whipped away by the biting wind. The group of hardy Highland men slept deeply whilst Murtagh sat on watch at a nearby tree, mostly asleep but primed to jerk awake when a change in the dark woodland caught his sharp senses. I lay huddled near some shrubs a few feet from the men, I tried to avoid lying too close to them even though it meant being even colder than necessary. I pulled my woollen wrap closely around me and curled my legs up as far under my voluminous skirts as possible. The temperature continued to drop and my chattering teeth and uncontrollable shivering made sleep impossible.

I was mournfully contemplating my miserable condition when Jamie stirred not far away. "Sassenach", he whispered, "move nearer to the fire or ye'll wake us all with your chittering".

My lip wobbled a little in the darkness, "n-n-n-o", I stammered, "I'm fine here".

"Ye can trust us no more there than you can nearer by lassy", he replied softly.

"I know…" He was right of course, but I felt safer here with the shrub for company so I need only worry about three angles of attack instead of four. "I don't want to move though", I said shakily.

Murtagh stirred a little. Jamie whispered as quietly as he could, "do ye trust me, Sassenach?"

"More than anyone else", I murmured honestly.

He scooped his plaid up around him and crawled to me stealthily, scarcely making a sound.

"Move forward a wee bit lass", he said in a low voice.

I obeyed and he laid himself between me and the shrub, his large body curving into place next to mine. He threw his plaid over me and pulled me tightly to him. The warmth flooded over me and the biting chill that had tortured me for hours were at last blocked out. His arm lay heavy across me and his hand rested on my arm, brushing lightly against my breast. I instinctively shuffled myself even closer to him and felt glad that he had come to me as I was, in truth, utterly freezing. I did slightly fear the same scenario that had occurred when he had comforted me on our first day in Leoch but I was really too helplessly cold to be overly concerned.

"I wouldna' usually lie like this with ye, or any woman, Sassenach… But I fear that ye will catch your death from the cold if I dinna keep ye warm", he said softly. His warm breath fell on my neck and I shivered, though not from the cold.

"Thank you", I replied sleepily. I breathed in his smell of forest earth and whiskey and my head began to feel heavy with the tide of sleep.

When I woke in the morning Jamie and the other men were already awake and paying me their usual lack of attention. I guessed that no one knew that Jamie had spent the night holding me as there was nothing to suggest that anyone was aware or even slightly concerned about our impropriety. He glanced at me and flashed me a quick smile. My stomach flipped a little as I met his piercing eyes. I bowed my head and smiled back at him shyly, looking up through my fluttering lashes. I didn't mean to look provocative but my body seemed to respond in ways that I did not intend.

The day progressed like any other with only a few moments when I caught him looking at me for longer than was customary. I wondered if perhaps he had always done this and I had never noticed? I tried determinedly not to look at him too often but his imposing figure and gleaming mane tended to catch my eye and keep me transfixed despite my best efforts at disinterested indifference.

That night was warmer than the one before and I felt slightly disappointed that Jamie would not need to come to my rescue again. To my surprise, he made his way over to me when the other men were sleeping and once again covered me with his plaid and wrapped me tightly in his arms.

"I dinna want ye to freeze wee Sassenach", he murmured into my neck. We both knew that I would have been fine without him but I squeezed his arm against me in an effort to show that I appreciated his presence. I felt safer with him there, and I knew he wouldn't take advantage of me, even if perhaps he wanted to. There was something noble and trustworthy about this wild young Scot that made me relax into his arms. His hot breath against the nape of my neck made me feel weak and fluttery and I fell into exhausted dreams in his embrace.

The same routine continued night after night. Jamie would always make the excuse that I needed him to avoid freezing to death, and I was always too happy to accept his comforting presence. Every morning he was already up and the men seemed none the wiser to our nighttime ritual. During the day we would try to avoid seeming any closer than we should but when I fixed the dressings on his wounds every touch between us grew increasingly charged. He would touch my hand softly as I tended to him and the feeling would linger, tingling on my skin. When he looked at me I would feel my cheeks burn and I knew that steadily a powerful infatuation was growing between us. I thought guiltily of Frank, but I knew that nothing would come of my feelings for Jamie, so I was relieved that I needn't betray Frank's memory and I could go on enjoying my relationship with Jamie as nothing more than a somewhat inappropriate friendship.

Our routine was broken when it was Jamie's turn to take the watch. He was settled against a tree and I knew that he could not come to me as lying down would mean falling asleep and leaving the men unguarded. To begin with I thought that I should not risk going to him but the aching of being left huddled alone in the darkness spurred me into action. He had smiled as he saw me creeping as quietly as I could toward him and he opened his arms, ushering me to sit between his legs so my head rested on his broad shoulder. He had stroked my hair softly and whispered, "I was worried about ye Sassenach. I thought ye might catch a chill without me". We both knew well that this was just an excuse and chuckled silently as we cuddled close and enjoyed the intimacy of our dark night together.

I woke some time later to Jamie kissing my head and whispering, "Sassenach, Sassenach!" softly into my ear. When I stirred he told me I must go back off alone or the men would wake and see me in his arms. I nodded and made my way back to my original resting place. I lay there feeling unsettled until I realised why, he had been kissing me to wake me. Had he done that before? I had a vague memory of feeling his lips on my neck one night but perhaps I had been dreaming. I fell asleep again and dreamt of him kissing my neck, my shoulder, my collar bone… I dreamt that he had turned me to him and kissed me passionately, pulling me into him, his muscular body heaving against mine...

I woke cold and alone and looked eagerly for Jamie. He met my gaze and I could not mistake the craving in his expression, and I felt it reflected in my own. There was a silent understanding between us, and he smiled.


	2. Chapter 2

_Thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed the first chapter, it is great to hear from you! _

The sun broke through the clouds, momentarily gleaming off the golden hillside before tucking away again behind its dappled grey shroud. The purple heather and rocky outcrops of the valleys made for dramatic scenery and rather slow progress as we trudged our way on horseback through the wild Highland landscape.

As generally no one would speak to me I would usually occupy myself with thoughts that alternated between daring escape ideas and bouts of despair at their blatant absurdity. Today, however, I found myself far more pleasantly engaged with musing about Jamie as I watched him ride so confidently near the head of the party. He looked quite magnificent I thought, his hair blazing regally regardless of the fitful bursts of sunlight and his broad shoulders accentuated by his fluttering plaid. Though there was certainly something boyish and charming about him, he also exuded the depth and strength of a man who had survived great adversity. I seriously considered whether I had gone a little mad to be entertaining such romantic thoughts when I was a married woman and not even from this darn century. But was I _really_ married? Frank was not even born yet and there was no guarantee that I could ever return to the age where he did exist as I had known him. It had been months since I had left and my need for intimacy was steadily growing stronger… _But_, I asked myself rationally, even if I did manage to seduce Jamie and we made the intensely passionate love that I had been imagining, what then? It is not as though I could simply have my way with him and then move on. If I chose him it meant either I was his for life, stuck in a forced marriage, or my reputation would suffer irreparable damage and chances are I would no longer be afforded the protection of the clan MacKenzie. The other scenario involved me falling hopelessly in love with him and wanting to stay here with him in the past, and what would that mean for my future? A life without Frank, I mused, followed no doubt by death in childbirth or God knows what else. That was it then, this fantasy was utterly impractical and would not do at all given there was no possible way it could lead to anything other than prostitution or puerperal fever, not to mention that I would be no closer to making my way back to Craigh Na Dun.

I rarely had a chance to speak to Jamie during the long hours on the road. Occasionally we would ride next to each other and have a pleasant conversation until he would grow uncomfortable, generally thanks to a gibe from one of his comrades, and make an excuse to leave. That left our only socially sanctioned interaction as the brief window when I changed the dressings on his wound. We seldom spoke during these encounters like we once had, as now our closeness was filled with the weight of unspoken desire and our contact brought forth only a palpable tenderness and a jarring propensity for long, unbroken eye contact. I tended to feel undeniably weak after the experience and would spend the next hours longing for darkness to descend so I could have him to myself once again.

Jamie came to me as usual that night and despite my earlier resolutions, I found my resolve utterly deflated and my stomach heavy with desire for him. He lay behind me, wrapping me into his arms and whispering his usual light-hearted comments about how he had come to rescue me from slipping into a frozen stupor. As he pulled me to him I realised that he always controlled these night-time encounters, he chose where he put his arms or where I would lay, and I was entirely at his mercy. _Not tonight_, I thought. I reached up to touch his shoulder through the thick plaid, pawing gently at him and tracing the lines of muscle as they rolled smoothly from shoulder to elbow. He shivered a little under my touch and I grew bolder, sneaking my hand under his plaid to touch the warm skin of his arm, pressing it firmly and pulling it in closer around me until his forearm was pressed against my breast.

"Claire", he rumbled hoarsely, "You must'na touch me like that".

Jamie pulled his arm from my chest and lay it more chastely on my arm. His hand found mine and he tickled the base of my wrist softly with his fore finger, making me tremble. He let out a long sigh.

"I want ye Sassenach", he whispered into my neck, just below my ear, "and if ye touch me like that I'll no be able to control myself".

I felt almost sick with want and turned my face to him, my mouth dangerously close to his.

"But I want you too, Jamie", I mouthed, almost silently against his lips. I felt him stiffen and he breathed in sharply, biting his lip and closing his eyes as if to steady himself.

"No, lass", he said, half strangled, "we should no give in to this".

"Alright", I sighed deeply, turning my face from his. "I'm sorry".

Jamie kissed my head. "No Sassenach, dinna be sorry. I just care to much for ye to risk that". He paused, "it's a terrible risk how I take to ye at night like this, and I should'na do it".

I had not contemplated the inevitability of our nights together coming to an end and the prospect made me snuffle miserably.

"I love that you come to me", I whispered, nearly choking on my words. "Truly".

"Then I'll always be here for ye Sassenach," he said softly in to my hair, "I canna help myself".


	3. Chapter 3

_Sorry for the delay everyone! Thanks so much for your reviews and encouragement. It has been busy lately so this is just a short chapter but I'm am already part way through the next so that should be up soon hopefully._

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><p>We had visited several villages where we were generally stayed in someone's house, crammed in a small room with only a couple of settles and some floor space on which to sleep. Being the only lady I was courteously allowed the settle but it was scarcely more comfortable than the floor, if at all. These cramped quarters meant that Jamie and I could not enjoy our usual intimacy but, after nights apart, he finally managed to secure a sleeping space near where I lay on my wooden bench. I was awoken by him sitting up next to me, leaning against the settle and stroking my curls softly. The other men were snoring deeply but through the din I could make out Jamie whispering, "my Sassenach, how I have missed ye..." He wasn't aware that I was awake and I listened to him whisper to me and touch my neck until I opened my eyes to meet his. Seeing I was awake, he pulled me into his arms hungrily, kissing my face and saying my name softly, urgently. My senses were flooded by his warm earthiness and overwhelmed by the nearness of him that had been denied me for so many lonely days. I pulled myself as near to him as I could and we kissed each other fervently over the cheeks, brow, neck, anywhere but the lips. It was a frenzy of delight and desire that left us breathless, lip to lip, ever so close to oblivion.<p>

Jamie broke away and kissed my head stiffly, as though in pain. "I canna bear it, Sassenach!" He moaned, "I need ye".

"Oh Jamie!" I said earnestly, holding my hand to his neck, "I have hated every night without you!"

His eyes met mine and in one impulsive, magnetic moment we were drawn together, our lips melding, moving in a perfect, frantic dance. With him propped up against the settle and me leaning on one arm we kissed with such energy and passion that I felt half sick with desire. I wished so dearly that I could be close enough to feel his body and fill the longing that had been undoing me for weeks.

The magic was broken when Dougal rolled over nearby, grumbling in his sleep. Jamie was startled and pulled away, looking around concernedly. He turned back to me, his forehead against mine and kissed me softly on the lips.

"No more Sassenach", he murmured, "we mustna go on like this here".

"Damn it Jamie, you're killing me", I growled huskily.

"I ken lass," he smiled, "but if I carry on, there will be no hidin' the noise".

"Oh ok", I laughed, kissing him gently, "when you put it like that."

Jamie smiled at me and we lay down once again. He reached up and took my hand and we fell asleep with our fingers interlocked.

I woke up awfully stiff with my arm still hanging limply over the side of the settle. Jamie, always an early riser, was no where to be seen. The other men were milling around, some still snoring on the floor. Dougal looked at me darkly as I got up and straightened my skirts. He seemed particularly displeased with me, though I had no idea why. I knew Jamie was careful to be up early and I doubted Dougal had any idea about 'us' - whatever that was. I was suddenly pricked with doubt about what had happened last night. I knew I was mad to pursue this and if anything, this dalliance was just a distraction from the fact that I was hopelessly marooned in the wrong century. What a distraction though... My mind was utterly flooded with thoughts of Jamie and the way he had kissed me last night. It was not the kind of kiss that belonged to cheap flings. It had depth, it had meaning. I hoped despite myself that he felt the same way and it wasn't just my imagination. Though the temptation would be gone if it were nothing to him I felt that I might snap with pain if he didn't feel for me the magnitude of what I felt for him. I respected him, cared for him, trusted him, wanted him and god knows I was falling for him more than I ever had for any other man, even Frank. I knew my feelings were terrible and my behaviour was appalling but I had fallen deep down the rabbit hole and the truth was, I just didn't care.


	4. Chapter 4

Thanks again to everyone who has reviewed! Hang in there folks.

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><p>After an unsatisfying breakfast our party was once again on the trail, trekking on horseback through the wilderness en route to Dougal's next tax collection and Jacobite fundraising location. I was consumed with thoughts of the night before but I had not had a moment alone with Jamie all day. My senses were on edge and the slightest smile or glance from him would fill me with euphoria whilst missed opportunities were bitterly disappointing beyond all reason. It wasn't until later that day when the sun was sinking low and everyone was worn out and dreary that I finally managed to speak with Jamie. We had both deliberately made such slow progress that we found ourselves bringing up the rear at a time when, thankfully, the other men weren't in the mood to bother us.<p>

"I loved last night," I said boldly.

Jamie laughed, "aye, as did I Sassenach."

My belly fluttered as he looked at me with his sparkling, roguish eyes. I wanted so badly to reach out and pull him to me, to touch him and have his hands on me once more.

"So," I began coyly, "do you kiss all the girls like that?"

He looked a little darkly at me. "Och no Claire, I canna say I have ever kissed a lass quite like that."

"But you have been with other women before I take it?"

Jamie looked affronted but then laughed, "och lass, ye are terribly forward!" I looked a little ashamed and he chuckled. "Alright, I'll tell ye the truth but he mustna tell it to anyone."

"I never would!" I cried.

"Wheesht!" he scolded cheerfully, "I dinna want the others to take an interest in this wee conversation."

"Weel," he began, "to begin wi' ye should ken that these men think me to be a virgin."

He looked at me for a reaction. "Oh!" I exclaimed awkwardly.

He smiled,"Aye, that is what they think. I told them I was savin' myself for marriage so they wouldna be hassling me to chase after lassies."

"But it is not true I assume?" I asked, rather confused about the trajectory of his story.

"Nay, it is no true I'm afeart." He looked ashamedly at his hands as they loosely gripped the reins. "My Da always said I should no defile any lass unless we were wed and I wish I hadna ignored his advice."

Jamie seemed nervous. "Go on," I urged kindly.

"I hope ye won't judge me Sassenach but I was a young buck and I didna care for wise counsel."

"You are still young!" I interrupted sardonically, "but I swear I won't judge."

"Maybe young in years Claire, but no verra young in life." He looked awfully serious and I nodded my head solemnly.

"So," he continued, "my Da had me delivering produce to the nearby villages so I was often on the road alone and meeting lassies along the way. I thought myself to be quite a charmer ye ken and I often fancied my chances wi' the girls I met. To begin wi' I was no verra lucky but as I grew into a bigger lad the lassies were more keen to know me."

A ripple of jealousy coursed through me but I merely nodded and urged him to continue.

"Weel, there was a few lassies that I got to know in their turn, some better than others. Some I lay wi' and some I didn't but I was a careless lad. It was no respectable and I would take them wherever i may, the barley fields, the stables, the woods... I was madly enjoying myself ye ken."

I felt a little shiver of arousal but he looked at me with only the faintest hint of mischievousness before he went on quite seriously. "I was verra foolish Sassenach. I tried to prevent any bairns but I dinna ken enough it would seem." After a mournful silence he began again, "it finally happened and from what I ken now I was lucky it dinna happen sooner. A lass I had lain wi' was wi' child. She had kept it hidden and I only learned there was a bairn when she lost it. The bairn had died and I dinna ken whether God took it or if she chose to be rid of it. There are witches who can do such things. But there was a bairn and I dinna get to claim it or care for the lass. She near bled to death when it passed and she was driven half mad by the suffering. She wouldna speak to me again." Jamie looked as though his heart would break. "The worst of it is that I dinna love her Sassenach. She was a couthie lass but had I known of the bairn and married her it would have been for duty and no for love. She suffered for me and I dinna even love her. And I canna forgive myself".

"Jamie," I said softly, "I'm so sorry..."

"Nay, dinna be sorry for me lass. I was a damn fool and since then I have sworn to not lay with any lassie until I ken I can care for her as I should."

My heart sunk a little, "you mean until marriage?" I asked.

"Aye, that was the plan," he said raising his brows quizzically at my deflated expression, "though it is being sorely tested. It is no easy to remain pure of thought wi' ye here to tempt me".

I laughed with relief. "Would it be wrong of me to say I am not at all sorry?" I asked flirtatiously.

He looked at me with an expression that was hard to fathom, somewhere between elation and dread. "Ye dinna want to ken the thoughts I have of ye Sassenach! I am fair taken wi' ye and it makes it awful hard for me to stay a good lad."

"I'm glad to hear it," I replied truthfully.

Jamie laughed and rode up close enough to quickly squeeze my thigh before we spurred our horses on for the final canter into town.


	5. Chapter 5

Thanks for reading and reviewing everyone. Sorry for making you wait in more ways than one!

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><p>After riding into the village I was thrilled to see that it was large enough to boast the first proper lodging house we had come across during our journey. It was darkening by the time we arrived and everyone was soon crowded into the public room on the ground floor of the lodging house. Dougal ran his usual spiel to promote the Jacobite cause and everyone soon descended into drunken camaraderie and zealous patriotism.<p>

I retired early from the revelry, keen to enjoy the luxury of solitude in my very own room. It was as I had expected, totally devoid of any comforts and nothing like those one could expect in the 20th century. The spartan room made a well of nostalgia rise up in me and a feeling of grief for the modern era that existed centuries away. I quickly resented the small room. Somehow it was easier to sleep on the ground with a hoard of hairy Scotsmen than be faced with a room that should be familiar and comforting but instead delivers only more 18th century reality. I would be sleeping entirely alone for the first time in weeks and the peace was slightly unnerving. I had grown accustomed to the rabbling sound of men sleeping and worst of all, I doubted I would see Jamie as he was drinking with his comrades and would be going back to share a room out near the stables. The only other people staying upstairs in single rooms were Dougal and Ned Gowan. I felt a little afraid of Dougal as he always looked at me with a virile hunger and I wouldn't put it past him to try forcing himself on me again. There was usually safety in numbers but tonight I felt very exposed. I jammed a chair under the door knob but it hardly made me feel very secure given the ricketty nature of both the chair and the door. I shrugged my shoulders and, with a defeatist attitude, tried to fall asleep.

Sure enough, I woke to the sound of Dougal barrelling on my door with a large fist.

"Woman," he roared, "och let me in wi' ye lass."

I stayed as silent as I could and watched fearfully as the door and chair both looked close to disintegration.

"Och shite!" He shouted at the door, rattling the knob furiously before wandering off drunkenly to his own room.

I quaked, huddling in my scratchy bed and wishing Jamie was there to comfort me. On a practical level, getting caught with Jamie by Dougal was probably the worst thing that could happen to us. Dougal wasn't fond of Jamie and he had a strange dislike melded with lust for me, so I couldn't imagine he would be pleased to know that we had an inappropriate relationship and god knows what his punishment might be. The safety of both Jamie and I rested with Dougal and neither of us could afford to lose his protection, particularly with Fort William nearby and the English soldiers ever more present.

I shuffled under the blanket in another effort to sleep but I was soon disrupted by tapping on the shutter outside. I picked up the heavy candlestick and crept close enough to hear a familiar voice calling my name softly.

"Jamie?" I asked hopefully.

"Aye lass, quick open the shutter on your left."

I did as he said and raised himself quickly on to the sill with one muscular arm. He breathed heavily with the strain, "now the other shutter."

I fumbled with the latch and pushed it out so Jamie could pull him self up and clamber ungracefully in through the small opening.

I crouched beside him to make sure he was alright. He was panting and worn out from the strain off climbing the craggy wall and the effects of too much whiskey.

"Are ye ok Claire?" He murmured, patting my cheek affectionately.

"Why yes, I am fine!" I retorted. "It seems that you are the one in a state."

"Och aye lass. I was verra worried for ye."

"Why is that?"

"Weel ol' Dougal is awful blootered." Jamie slurred, "and he was talkin' about havin' his way wi' ye."

"Yes," I said, nodding toward the ricketty chair, "He did try to get in but the door, and the chair, held out."

"I was going to come up here and fight him for ye Sassenach," Jamie replied dreamily, "I wanted to defend ye."

"That would have been very romantic," I laughed. I was charmed but I couldn't help but see the humour in him being almost to drunk to stand, let alone fight.

"Aye," he nodded mournfully, "it would ha' been verra ro-ronmat...that."

"Well you're in no state for anything other than sleep, Jamie!" I said briskly, taking him by the upper arm and hoisting him to his feet as I would a patient, letting him lean on me until he was close enough to crumple on the bed.

"Och Sassenach I feel awful foolish," he groaned huskily, "I should'na be in yer bed, it ain't fittin'."

I laughed at the silliness of his propriety. Despite himself his eyes began to droop so I deftly took off his boots and sporran and pulled the blankets over him and tucked myself neatly beside him in the tiny bed.

"I'm sorry Claire," he said weakly, "I'm half gone wi' drink but I dinna want to leave ye tonight. And I missed ye."

He reached up and kissed me warmly before slumping down again. I pulled him to me and let his head fall on my breast. I held him and let him sleep, content that I could at last repay a small modicum of the comfort he had shown me. I wasn't quite the night I had hoped to share alone with Jamie but I felt immense pleasure in having the dignity of a bed beneath us and some privacy to hold each other. I kissed his russet head and tenderly traced the scars on his face and arms, taking the time to really touch him and know his body.

"Claire?" He whispered.

"Yes, Jamie?"

"Claire, I..." His voice stammered, close to sleep, "I wish ye were mine."

I smiled and kissed him, "sleep Jamie."

And he did.


	6. Chapter 6

_Thank you everyone for your kind reviews_ _and patience!_

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><p>I woke up feeling cold and instinctively reached out for Jamie. It was immediately clear that I was alone in the small creaky bed and I felt the wave of disappointment that so often greeted me on waking. I was puzzled though as the candle beside me still glowed and was only melted down enough to have been burning for a couple of hours since we fell asleep. I pushed out the shutter and the sky was dark, with no signs of morning blueness on the horizon. Why had he left so early? As far as I could tell it was only around 3am, maybe earlier.<p>

I was about to return dejectedly to bed when I heard soft crunching below and the pale moonlight illuminated Jamie's hardy figure trotting lightly toward the inn wall. I smiled broadly as he gripped the stonework and swung his way up deftly to my window.

"Morning to ye Sassenach." He said briskly, leaping through the open window and scooping me into his arms, pushing me against the wall and kissing me deeply. I yelped a little in surprise but my body quickly melded to his and relaxed into the warm depths of the kiss.

"Why Jamie," I exclaimed when we had come up for air, "you made climbing that wall look positively easy. I thought you were going to die after climbing it earlier this evening!"

Jamie chuckled, "aye my lass, you'll find I'm quite the agile lad when sober."

"You're sober already?" I asked.

"Och aye," he replied, stroking my hair affectionately, "it dinna take me long when I've had a wee kip. I just popped down for a splash in the trough and I feel a new man now."

I laughed, "is that why you left? To splash in the trough?"

"Aye!" He smiled, "I woke with a hunger for ye but dinna want to touch ye when I smelled like a drunkard. So I went down to the stable, ate half a bannock and got cleaned up to spend the rest of the night with ye my Sassenach!"

Jamie laughed low and heartily and swept me up into his arms. "Now this is how I wanted to take ye!" He said, "not land in a drunken heap!"

He carried me swiftly to the bed and threw me down on to it, throwing himself on top of me but keeping the bulk of his weight resting on his elbows. I leant up to kiss him and kissed me back with ferocity. I could feel him hardening and his rhythmic movements rubbed against me, making me tingle and writhe. His hands moved to my breast and kneaded it through my chemise. I moaned with pleasure and immediately cupped my hand over my mouth.

"Jamie!" I cried, "what if we wake Dougal!"

Jamie looked up and smiled, "do ye make that much noise eh lass?"

I blushed, "well... well yes. Yes I suppose I do, particularly when, when I have waited such a long time and..."

Jamie shut my mouth with a firm kiss. "Hush Claire! If you will have me then I will risk Dougal's wrath gladly, him and a thousand men!"

"Have you!" I exclaimed, "Jamie Whoever-You-Are I would have taken you long ago if it were up to me!"

"Ah Sassenach," he sighed, his lips brushing against mine, "I am fairly driven mad with wanting ye."

With that his muscular body tensed around me and we began to move against each other once more. We grappled roughly, both trying to tear aside articles of clothing. He ripped my chemise to expose my breasts and we both hurriedly yanked and pulled until his belt and plaid fell aside and the remains of my dress were pushed high enough for him to enter me. As he did we both moaned, shaking with desire and delight. My hands grasped at his firm arms and back as he pushed into me with such force that the bed creaked treacherously beneath us. He flung me on top of him and I rode him with abandon, his rough hands guiding me back and forth until I started to yelp. He sat up and gripped me to him firmly, kissing me and pushing in deeply until we climaxed, shaking and panting in each other's arms. We sat there connected in satisfied stupor, rocking gently and pressing our foreheads together, finally at one in the way we had longed to be.

I wish that moment could have lasted longer but all too soon we came apart and rolled back on to the pillow. I lay tucked in his arm with my hand resting on his broad chest, every muscle within us relaxing after the ultimate release. We didn't speak, just smiled dumbly at one another, our eyes locked in hopeless infatuation. I was too delirious with pleasure to feel any concern for Dougal or my old life and slipped with Jamie into a deep, satiated sleep.

Later that morning I woke alone and stretched out my limbs. After the night before I felt like new life had been breathed into me and I sprang out of bed, keen to see Jamie even if I couldn't touch him again for hours. Plus I was ravenously hungry. I loosely tacked my chemise back together and tried to ruffle it under my bodice in such a way that hopefully no one would notice the tear. I pushed the chair from the door, opened it and gasped loudly as I saw Dougal seated facing me, clearly waiting for me to emerge. He

cleared his throat loudly and looked me up and down, frowning darkly. He strode toward me until he was unnervingly close and grabbed my arm, wrenching me even nearer.

"Dinna ken I don't see ye woman." He growled, squeezing my arm painfully. "I ken verra weel what ye have been doing and if I catch you anywhere near the lad ye can both forget aboot my protection. In fact I'll personally hand ye to the English."

He stormed away and I stood there quaking and clutching my chest before slumping to the floor in shock. I talked to myself briskly as I had done during the war - 'get up, don't feel sorry for yourself, one foot in front of the other...' I rose and made my way cautiously down the stairs, feeling increasingly uneasy as Jamie was nowhere in sight. I hoped to God he had not been beaten for my sake. How surreal it was that my greatest dreams and fears had all come to pass in one night and now I sat alone feeling numb and helpless. I would have to stay away from the one I loved or risk our downfall but how on earth could I part from Jamie now? I felt so connected to him and last night had cemented my feelings for him and I could not be with out him. I needed to think of a plan, and fast.


	7. Chapter 7

_Thanks everyone for your kind reviews - I so love receiving them! I'm thinking this will probably be the penultimate chapter and the next instalment is half done so hopefully there won't be too much of a wait. Thanks again for your incredible support!_

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><p>I mounted my horse feeling tired and shaken. I was awfully sore as well, probably thanks to an uncomfortable bed and a rather vigorous pounding. I wanted to feel blissful after the events of last night but Dougal's interference was a terrible shock. I looked amongst the men for a glimpse of Jamie and felt increasingly panicked as I looked from group to group and could catch no sight of his striking figure. <em>Oh God what have they done to<em> _you_, I thought. _What have I done to you… _All the time Jamie had been so concerned for my reputation and wellbeing and I had really only paid a fleeting thought to what might happen to him, and I hadn't really imagined the magnitude of what that might mean in real life. I had been so caught up with the fantasy and excitement that even the danger had seemed thrilling but now, as stark reality descended, all I felt was dread and regret. I couldn't live with myself if my recklessness lead to him being harmed, _him_, the man I loved.

I started as horse barrelled up beside me. Hoping desperately that it was Jamie, I was sadly disappointed to discover it was Dougal. He gruffly grabbed me by the thigh and rode in close to me.

"Ye'll ride next to me today," he growled in my ear, "and if ye leave my side I'll chase ye down and sit ye here in front of me." He said, patting his crotch and smiling menacingly.

"What have you done to him?" I asked boldly, my eyes filled with fire.

"Ye can just ferget about the lad," Dougal replied coldly, "I brought ye along to entertain me, no him."

I flushed, "I beg your pardon? I am here as a beaton and nothing more."

He grabbed my thigh once again and squeezed it painfully. "Aye ye are a beaton lassie, but ye are also a fool if ye think that is the only reason ye are here."

I rode in stunned silence beside Dougal as the party began to move away from the village. I had kept my 20th century notion that I had free will and a right to choose with whom I consorted but it was apparent now that I had been incredibly naïve. I felt completely helpless, lost in a strange time and place with my only friend and comforter ripped from me. I had noticed Dougal's disgruntlement toward me but I had no idea that he had been paying me so much attention all these weeks. My mind flickered back over the numerous moments where he had gotten that little bit too close or made that little bit of extra effort for me. I had been so distracted by Jamie that I hadn't noticed him moving in and attempting to gain my favour. It seemed now that he had completely given up on the idea of winning me over and would now just claim me as his property without my consent.

"Give me a smile, woman!" Dougal exclaimed, "I'll no put up with that sour puss all day."

I grimaced.

When we stopped for lunch I was pulled unceremoniously from my horse and Dougal sat me roughly beside him on a log. We were bunched far too close together and I tried to shuffle away but he grabbed my thigh and said loudly that I was not to move. The men all stared at us uncomfortably, some smiling knowingly at Dougal and others looking at me like I was scum. Only Ned seemed to feel any pity for me, meeting my eye sorrowfully but saying nothing. Jamie was nowhere to be seen, and I felt sick with fear.

I had been dreading nightfall but after an excruciating day of worry, humiliation and forcing a fake smile the time had finally come to settle down for the night. Dougal once again had me sit uncomfortably close to him and allowed himself to freely grope my thigh and arm whilst talking and laughing loudly in Gaelic with the men over dinner. I sat looking blankly into the woods. _Where was Jamie? How on earth was I to escape? And where would I go?_ I felt that my life had lurched once again into no-man's land and I was utterly powerless.

"I must relieve myself." I said curtly.

Dougal relaxed his grip on my leg. "Ye are to go no further than that pine there," he said pointing to a large tree several yards away, "I'll be watching."

I released myself and walked like an automaton toward the tree. I stood behind it and shuffled up my skirts before squatting, acutely aware that the men nearby could no doubt hear me. As I stood up my eye caught a flash of movement. I glanced around desperately, pretending to be fussing with my skirts.

"Psssst!" I heard from behind a shrub. There I saw just the slightest part of Jamie's face. I cupped my hand to my mouth to hold in my overwhelming desire to scream out in joy and run to him. Tears filled my eyes, I was so desperately relieved to know he was alive, and even more so to know that he was near.

"What are ye doing, woman?" Dougal bellowed.

"Um, coming now!" I said shakily. Before I turned to go, Jamie caught my eye and winked.

I blinked back tears as I took my seat and Dougal pulled me roughly in toward him. I felt overcome with emotion and the relief that Jamie was here and would help me to escape this nightmare. Once we were free I didn't care anymore. This one horrible day of separation made me certain that as long as we were together I could face anything with fortitude.

The fire burned low and the men started one by one to slip away into the dark to sleep. "Right lassie," Dougal boomed, "time for us to sleep!"

I shuddered but followed him submissively, not sure of what else I could really do. It was not as though I had a chance of escape with all these men surrounding me. I could only hope I would not be violated. He found a patch of turf and lay down whilst I stood immobile, panicking and praying for some bright flash of genius to overtake me and allow me to escape. I felt perilously close to completely losing my composure and running, arms flailing, into the wood.

"Dinna just stand there woman! Get down here will ye."

Someone snickered nearby and I struggled to retain my nerve, dropping down to my knees as though facing execution. He pulled me down and manoeuvred me to lie with my bottom against his hardening crotch. He began squeezing my breast and rocking himself against me.

"I'll not have ye out here," he groaned breathlessly, "but ye must let me have my fun or I'll hand ye right back to Randall."

I cringed as he continued to rub against me, groping and heaving until he came. _Revolting bastard_, I thought. He flopped his arm over me, heavy as a log, and fell asleep nearly immediately. I tried lifting his arm but it pressed down heavily and he rolled half on top of me, as though even in his sleep he was determined to have me pinned to his side. _Where is Jamie?_ I wondered. Despite being miserable, uncomfortable and short of breath I was exhausted enough to fall asleep.


End file.
